Let's Talk Insecurities
WHAT IS INSECURITY?
The online dictionary explains it as
“uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence”
We all have out insecurities but with some people they are domineering. To feel insecure means to feel threatened , a major feeling of self-doubt , to feel yourself acting or feeling in inadequate way.
There’s some health boundary though where it is normal to feel insecure as we all do, but there’s also a chronic insecurity that sabotage our love/intimate or any other relationships or even also our career or just in general success in life. The person who entertains insecurities willingly or even without knowing makes you feel insecure yourself. If you are a usually confident person and around some people you start feeling insecure and lose your focus means that this person projects their insecurities onto you.
The insecure person likes to showcase their accomplishments as they need validation for their achievements, encouragement. They do everything not for themselves, but to be recognised by the society that they matter.
Insecure person will not ever feel good in showing their body for example or doing something eccentric as they always think that others are gossiping about them, so their validation won’t be served.
Emotional insecurity is a feeling of nervousness triggered by perceiving yourself as vulnerable and inferior in some obstacles, that threaten the ego.
We all have our insecurities, but some of us have got them more than the others. Even the most successful people, celebrities they also have got theirs. There’s a lot of cases of suicides that confirm this. Where do insecurities come from?
Babies do not know insecurities , they are been taught having them. So the insecurities come from our upbringing, childhood, past traumas, the recent feelings of failure or rejection, loneliness, social anxiety, negative beliefs about yourself, perfectionism, or having a critical parent or partner.
Where this confidence or lack of self -esteem come from?
In some cases from early childhood where significant people in the child life were highly critical , for example teachers or parents . Bad school or academic performance, recent relationship breakdown, financial trouble , stressful life are all causes of emotional misbalance called lack of self esteem or having harmful and vulnerable ego. Ego needs confirmations and reassurance much more in order to exist and performs well.
What is the insecure person body language?
( I recently spoke to someone and really got mad as she was not listening to me as I was talking to myself, but now I know she is struggling with tones of insecurities)
- Biting or licking lips
- Laboured breathing
- No or almost no eye contact as of the nervousness the person feels.
- Tucked chin
- Low eyebrows
How do people compensate emotionally for their insecurities?
There are two main types :
- With being overly polite and nice, trying to please everyone.
- With anger and overreacting, intense anger or even aggression.
What are the most prominent signs of insecurities:
- Boasting – talking constantly about your achievements and looking for an affirmation and confirmation of how they and you are through them
- Controlling – trying to control everyone and everything as this brings you some sense of stability and security
- Anxiety – the constant thinking about things and obstacles lead to constant anxiety and nervousness
- People pleasing – looking for affirmation without standing your ground just to be accepted by the society is something that insecure people always do.
- Perfectionism – you want to look perfect in the eyes of the others as you are constantly looking for their appreciation that feeds your insecure ego.
- Depression – all this overreacting and trying to fight with insecurities on daily basis leads to overwhelming feelings of depression and sadness as life in general is insecure, uncertain and there’s no way to please the world.
How do insecurities come up in an intimate relationship? People who are insecure in relationships are always worried that their partner would leave them or they will like someone else, they will find someone better. It gives them a great portion of anxiety, constant panic. And this is not really jealousy out of possessive feelings, but more out of fear.
Here are couple of examples of how insecurities unfold in intimate or any other relationships:
The insecure partner always monitors who are you talking to , where are you going or with other words is obsessed with having control over.
- Affirmation and validation
The insecure person would always need a validation and affirmation of their actions – did they do right and how does the other person feels about it.
If the insecure person doesn’t receive the validation of their ego they expect to receive they become aggressive as pleasing takes too much effort .
All those overthinking and strategising of how to get a validation from the other person lead to permanent anxiety.
- Conflicts (Pointless)
Conflicts are triggered by any of the elements above or are their consequence.
How to heal the ego and have a successful relationships where you do not feel inferior :
- Build your self-esteem by doing things you like and enjoy in life
- Take compliments with pleasure, not suspiciously or second-guessing.
- Accept yourself or try to work on what you do not like.
- Find out the root cause of your insecurity and heal it. Use regressive hypnotherapy if this is really something major.
- Trust yourself, your partner and the people you spend your time with.
- Stop overthinking and strategising, do whatever it has to be done and things will unfold naturally.
- Give your partner/friends space.Do not try to control them by knowing every single detail of their day.
- Let go of the negative relationship experiences of the past
- Smile and reward yourself when you achieve something, do not wait for others’ validation.
- Keep in mind that people are different and it is completely ok to have got their own opinions and ways of living
- Do not expect life to happen in a perfect way is it doesn’t .
- Do not expect from yourself to do all in a perfect way as that’s not possible
- Forgive and forget the past.